Sometimes, with him. Saturday we're going to a Memorial Day housewarming party for Christie and David. Super excited! We might not be there too long, but still I need to show him off to my friends who've never met him :)
Today - well, what a wonderful day! Slept in because of last night, but I woke up in time to eat a light breakfast before I had to get ready for my wonderful massage from Christie! She's a miracle worker! After that visit, got dolled up, went to work for a couple hours, took Liz home, then went to Josh's to cut his hair before taking James home.
A combination of a lot of things in the recent couple of weeks has made feel hopeful for the first time in some long months. I even enjoyed being around Josh for the first time since February. I don't know why I gave up on our relationship so easily except at the time it wasn't easy at all. I thought over the pro's and con's for a couple of weeks and then I didn't even word it correctly when I had word vomit over the phone.
I wanted a break, but I said break up - is there even a difference? I was worried that moving into another apartment would be a bad move for us so I suggested we don't and we try to recollect ourselves so the stress can go away, be worked on. I think Josh did want out which is why he treats it as an ending not a pause. I don't bring it up anymore, it only hurts our friendship. I'm focusing on moving forward and if I eventually stop having feelings for him then I'm sure he will be much relieved ... I'll also be pretty happy because losing feelings will come just as naturally as finding them was if it's what's suppose to happen.
But I can't deny that a part of me will always want us to be a family. He gave me the best person in the world for crying out loud. Of course a part of me will always want him. I'm just going to see how it turns out and not try to control it anymore.
But today was a perfect day!
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