Hang Out with the Fellas

Ate tortas for lunch.
Bought records on the cheap.
Had dessert at Square Rootz.
Listened to records.
Watched some of "2 Days In Paris."
James and I had Mexican (again) for dinner with my mom and aunt.
Played.
Got him to bed.

I'm really exhausted.

Happinesses

Let's see: last night I hung out with Andy - the first time in a long time. It was awesome! He took me to see Pirates of the Caribbean and it was good since everyone was asking for a Jack Sparrow movie, but it wasn't the greatest thing we've ever seen. Then we went to The Brass Ring until it closed at 3a. It was a really good night with an old friend I missed. I'm hoping to get out every night I don't have James.

Sometimes, with him. Saturday we're going to a Memorial Day housewarming party for Christie and David. Super excited! We might not be there too long, but still I need to show him off to my friends who've never met him :)

Today - well, what a wonderful day! Slept in because of last night, but I woke up in time to eat a light breakfast before I had to get ready for my wonderful massage from Christie! She's a miracle worker! After that visit, got dolled up, went to work for a couple hours, took Liz home, then went to Josh's to cut his hair before taking James home.

A combination of a lot of things in the recent couple of weeks has made feel hopeful for the first time in some long months. I even enjoyed being around Josh for the first time since February. I don't know why I gave up on our relationship so easily except at the time it wasn't easy at all. I thought over the pro's and con's for a couple of weeks and then I didn't even word it correctly when I had word vomit over the phone.

I wanted a break, but I said break up - is there even a difference? I was worried that moving into another apartment would be a bad move for us so I suggested we don't and we try to recollect ourselves so the stress can go away, be worked on. I think Josh did want out which is why he treats it as an ending not a pause. I don't bring it up anymore, it only hurts our friendship. I'm focusing on moving forward and if I eventually stop having feelings for him then I'm sure he will be much relieved ... I'll also be pretty happy because losing feelings will come just as naturally as finding them was if it's what's suppose to happen.

But I can't deny that a part of me will always want us to be a family. He gave me the best person in the world for crying out loud. Of course a part of me will always want him. I'm just going to see how it turns out and not try to control it anymore.

But today was a perfect day!

Friendship?

What does friendship mean?

Lately, in my life, it means: I had friends "till death" up until about 2008 and then everyone decided to only worry and think about themselves, no one else. Relationships took number 1 priority; if the boyfriend or girlfriend couldn't come along, it was out of the question to hang out. Family is important so I'm not going to ever knock that excuse. Relationships are important too but all of my friends only think about work, family, significant other. Friends just have to forget about it.

I can't be the only person who actually believes still that if you tell someone you miss them and want to hang out, that you should mean it when you say it. For three years now people have been telling me they miss me, they want to see me, I should call or text them on a specific day and we'll hang out. They tell me to make the effort to call them, not the other way around ever, so keep that in mind. So I call or text on the day they have told me they are free and want to hang out - I'm either ignored or blown off 99% of the time.

How dare you call me friend, set me up like that, and then drop me on my face.

The other thing I love is how some people have chosen to cut themselves off. Like one girl who stopped being my friend because I dated someone she previously dated 8 years earlier and kept on the back burner so she could cheat on her boyfriend with him. He said he was tired of it, we got to know each other, I don't cheat on people, he asked me out, I said yes. Really? That's the kind of person you are? Buh-bye, poser.

I had over 400 people on my Facebook friends list and not a single person really ever meant it when they said "let's hang out." I've since deleted over half of those people and I've just finished another cleanse of the list. Most of the people I kept around probably won't be there next week.


I think the straw that has broken this camel's back is my ex. Always with the "I want to be friends and hang out" yet if I ask him out he automatically jumps to "you act like we're still together I need space." The fuck is wrong with people?!!! Really? Fuck you, fuck all of you. I'm done with the whole lot of ya. You're poison to me and I'm tired of taking it.

You're dead. As far as I'm concerned, I buried your asses three years ago when you walked away for some guy instead of starting something new and keeping tight with your friend. Your loss!

My First Mother's Day

James has three or four teeth coming on top, he stood up on his own on Friday night, he's walking while either holding your hand or onto his walker, and he give high fives and kisses now. That's all that he's done in just one week. He's getting so big so quickly!

Today was my first official Mother's Day and it was fun. Had lunch at Logan's Roadhouse, shopped at Target, then after I dropped James off at his dad's I hung out with Peggy for awhile. I had sushi and watched Groundhog Day for the first time (each) - loved them both! Must buy the movie at some point. Need find cure for death so Bill Murray can live forever!

Tomorrow is James' 9 month doctor appointment - no shots so it should be quick, painless, and easy. Then I don't have anything to do besides more job hunting and cleaning the house. *insert sarcastic "yay" here*

What a Great Saturday

Yes, that is a fruit bat peeing.

Today seems like three days rolled into one. I went out last night for Liz's 26th birthday, worked today from 11:30-1 (and did a great haircut), tried finding the audition space in Greenwood but it wasn't happening so I gave up, then went to the zoo with my mom, James, and my brother. Such a great day!!!

 Barf Vader

 in the desert

 first train ride

 with Uncle Chris

 the new baby giraffe

 the new baby baboon

my moment of art for the day

Not Gonna Lie, Today Was Awesome

The day flew by today!
Woke up at 7:30a when James started crying "Mama!", but didn't get out of the bed until 7:45a. Fed him, changed him. By then it was around 8:30a. Watched the weather report, decided against going to the zoo. Wrestled the babe until he was dressed, got myself dressed, and headed for Walmart at 9:30a. Left Walmart at 10:30a and stopped for Taco Bell. Laid James down at 10:50a. Watched Ellen from 11a-12p. Cleaned, ate lunch, and computer surfed until 1:45p when James woke up. Fed him lunch with juice, changed him, turned on a movie that he didn't watch but it was good background noise, and kept cleaning until 4p when Mom got home. Ate dinner, bathed James, fed him dinner and a bottle. He laid down at 6p and woke up at 6:45p. Not thrilled he decided he was just going to nap ... also not thrilled I let him go to sleep earlier than 7:30p. Lesson learned. Back hurts from giving him a bath.
The weather was crappy today; cold and eventually rainy. Photo above is from our Easter shoot yesterday (the only nice day this week and for the next couple of weeks). I'm freezing. I think I'll put an extra blanket on the bed. Time to shower and get into some pj's. I think Mom's going to have to take the night shift. I have to work tomorrow. But at least tomorrow also means Purple Hat Project shoot!!!

Goodnight.

Oh, To Be a Child In a Closet Once Again

 the following is a note I wrote to my mom after I apparently ruined something of Chris':

Dear Mom,
I'm so ashamed of what I did to Chris's radio so I am going to stay in my cloest until it is time for us to go back to school. Don't worry about me you can visit if you want and bring my food to me. I will have a little part open when you bring the food. There will also be a note paper, a food paper (of what I want), and what clothing I need paper. Probably the only time will come out is on Christmas dad so that I can open my presents. I will also sleep in the closet.
Love,
Sarah
P.S. If there is anything else that I need I will put it on a piece of paper.
Love,
Sarah

Can anyone else not stop laughing about this or is it just me? This makes me sorta of excited to see what James comes up with when he gets in trouble. I was so full of regret, but at least I was thinking about the important things: school and Christmas.



This reminds me of the time my brother and I got ourself trapped in a trundle bed.

And Then There Are Days Like Today

I cannot stress enough how much I love IN in the spring! Today was a good day!!! Josh and I revised the visitation schedule, and it makes more sense now. So I get James all weekend :) Today we went to Toys R Us Express at the Metropolis Mall in Plainfield and bought him a wading pool and a smaller, more compact stroller. The bigger one will be great for zoo trips, water park trips, etc. This one (a whopping $20 - *squee*) is great for just everyday bullshit. After we spent some of his YaYa's money, she took us to lunch at Chili's, then on a drive to look at all of the houses up for sale in Old Plainfield (dream), and then to Dairy Queen. Before we left James took an hour nap, during the drive through Plainfield he took another hour nap, and when we got home I was ready for a nap. I took a 4 hour nap ... YIKES! It was nice. Woke up to a screaming baby who wanted his Mami to give him a bottle so he could fall asleep and now I'm plotting *haha* In other words, planning his first birthday.

I'm About to Say Something You Won't Like

I'm not that great at being a mom. I lose my patience often and it was never something I wanted to be anyway. That being said, I do love my James. I'm just not crazy in love with motherhood. I'm not going to be the mom who sews up Halloween costumes or costumes for plays. If something gets ripped, I'll just buy something to replace it because I can't sew. He'll be in sports and the arts, I'll even teach him how to dance so he's not awkward at prom, but please don't think this is all first nature to me. I'm making it up as I go. I cuss, prefer tattoos to jewelry, I don't go out of my way to look fabulous most days (only if I have to, really), and after an hour I'm so tired of trying to entertain an 8 month old, I tend to just sit. If any of this seems wrong to you, stop following my blog now because I'm sure on my bad days (we all have them so stop pretending you don't) you're going to hate my posts where I vent.

Arm Farts

April 7, 2011

First Day Home

August 11, 2010