Yesterday & Today

Tuesday
Slept in, applied to some part-time jobs, worked for a little while, ate some Yats, and visited Missy and Stephen at their new house. It sounds simple, but it was such a good day!!

Wednesday
Determined to have another good day, I woke up happy and got myself pumped up to go to the salon even though there was nothing on my book.  I ended up getting a men's cut, so it worked out kind of.

Then just when I was getting ready to leave I sent Josh a text letting him know someone contacted me on Facebook about a Thursday appointment. I make $0/hour and if people don't come in, I don't make money so turning away an appointment is not going to happen. (Josh makes $13/hour, just so we're clear there.) We're talking like $500-600 checks per week compared to $70 checks per week here. Josh gets pissed, tells me he has to find a second job because he's worried about money (wants more of it) and he can't watch James every day because he doesn't go to bed until 7a even on days he doesn't work (so, by choice), he has "shit" to do. I tell him it's my job, I need money too, if I were making $13/hour I'd be pretty happy, he needs to support me trying to bring money in for our son and my bills and maybe being able to get out on my own since I'm 28 and it's just ridiculous that he's living on his own, buying groceries, buying what James needs, going out with friends, and has the balls to tell me it's not good enough, that he wants more. (That was a run on sentence and I appolgize to you grammar lovers out there.)

I got livid. Not just livid, I think some of the Jerseylicious and Mob Wives mind set kicked in because I went off on the kid. Every time he spit something at me, I came back with something else. I don't usually think well (or well enough) on my feet, but I think this had been building up a long time and the dude just set me off. He thinks only of himself, even when we were together. He said I should pay hm back for taking care of rent, utilities, and "feeding us" for a year (we ate McDonald's daily because he preferred that to grocery shopping...I stopped eating after awhile because I could feel my arteries clogging up with lard). He said he was doing paying for me to live because he was being nice. Being nice isn't nice if you expect that person to pay you back with interest. He's lucky I gave him the $120 to get his new place because he's screwed up his own life by getting in $20,000+ in debt and then topping it off by not paying last month's rent on the last place. That wasn't me. I told him straight out last year: I live with my mom because I make minimum wage and can't promise you that I can buy groceries. In fact, I know for a fact I can't because I can't now. I'm still going to have the same bills and I'm still making nothing at my job.

What'd he say? "We'll figure it out."

Everything about this kid's mentality and attitude told me to stay away, don't move in with him, it's not going to work.

This is what I get for wanting to be in love, be with someone, have a family. I got shit on for a year because he was expecting me to pay him money, buy groceries, clean the house, work, and take care of the baby.

While I was recovering from a C-section dude was going to the pool and out on boats with his friends, leaving me with a newborn and postpartum depression. He's lucky I didn't do something terrible to our son or myself while he was out having fun because it considered paternity leave as his time to party and vacation.

He ended the call with "You know what? Fuck you."

I get the last word: "Fuck you!" *hung up first*

Gotta be quicker than that, kid. I'm a pro at this. Been having to hang up on assholes since I was a kid. My dad taught me something, at least.


On my way to work we played nice in texts and I didn't let this morning ruin my day. I'm working up ideas to bring business in to me and maybe if I can get myself on four really good money-making days Josh can eat his fucking words. He's not getting a dime out of me. I'm playing nice, but all the time I'm plotting my revenge.

They say being happy is the sweetest revenge so let's do this.

I don't back down any more. I'm done sacrificing and trying to compromise in relationships. I have yet to be with one guy who wanted to meet me half way. It's always going to them, making them happy, understanding their side of things and never getting that in return. If that means I'm alone forever, that's ok as long as I'm happy.

It'll be the ultimate fuck you to all of them.