Femi

So Femi has had diahrrea for a week. I took her to the vet today. It's not parasites, it's probably due to a combination of stress and diet change. Mom switched the cats over (rather abruptly) to Blue Buffalo, they both got the shits but Grace has a stronger stomach so hers only lasted a day. Femi has been miserable for a week. I'm so happy that with a probiotic diet to up her good bacteria levels and more "kitty prozac" she will be fine (if it was something awful that involved some major vet visit it was not looking too good for her), but I'm really guilty that my cat bullies her plus my son causes her more stress. I really need to find money to get into my own place, take care of James and myself, and then move Grace over when it's possible to afford her as well.

I am looking at part-time gigs; I applied as a cat care specialist and vet tech assistant at the Humane Society. I'd rather play with kittehs all day than watch them be euthanized, though. I'm also going to apply to Harloh's vintage store in Fountain Square, maybe check out a couple other little shops. Not that I'll be offered health care or anything, but at least it'd be steady(ier) money and I'd be there for years while I build clientele. Unless I decide I love a shop job way more and leave the salon - you never know.

I want to move to Fountain Square so bad. I love that area and if it weren't for me finding Calvin Fletcher and then calling them until they called me back (about a month long process) Josh wouldn't even be there. Love the guy, but I think a little credit is due - or whatever.

Today was a great day!

I mean at around 12:45a (guess who) tried to text me because she had something to say. I didn't reply, I told Josh I wouldn't talk to her anymore and I'm not going to. She hasn't told me what she wanted to say so it must not be important, but it's not like I care to know what's in her head anyway. I woke up totally happy that last night happened and that (she) and I are done. She is not a bad person, we just weren't meant to be friends. It's nothing major and neither of our lives are going to be hurt so I'm just happy to be able to be done with it and moving on. This is the last time I'll mention her unless she does something or says something crazy to me, which I doubt will ever happen.

Other than that, I job hunted, picked up my small paycheck (although bigger than the $14 check I got last week), lost my lighter so I met Josh and James at Harloh's since I was right around the corner and needed a smoke, took Femi to the vet (obviously, a good outcome), set up a massage for tomorrow afternoon, Mom made awesome Spanish food from a recipe she found somewhere, and now I'm getting ready to go hang out with my friend Andy. Long lost Andy. I kinda want to hit up the Brass Ring ... I wish I made more money!!!

Friendship?

What does friendship mean?

Lately, in my life, it means: I had friends "till death" up until about 2008 and then everyone decided to only worry and think about themselves, no one else. Relationships took number 1 priority; if the boyfriend or girlfriend couldn't come along, it was out of the question to hang out. Family is important so I'm not going to ever knock that excuse. Relationships are important too but all of my friends only think about work, family, significant other. Friends just have to forget about it.

I can't be the only person who actually believes still that if you tell someone you miss them and want to hang out, that you should mean it when you say it. For three years now people have been telling me they miss me, they want to see me, I should call or text them on a specific day and we'll hang out. They tell me to make the effort to call them, not the other way around ever, so keep that in mind. So I call or text on the day they have told me they are free and want to hang out - I'm either ignored or blown off 99% of the time.

How dare you call me friend, set me up like that, and then drop me on my face.

The other thing I love is how some people have chosen to cut themselves off. Like one girl who stopped being my friend because I dated someone she previously dated 8 years earlier and kept on the back burner so she could cheat on her boyfriend with him. He said he was tired of it, we got to know each other, I don't cheat on people, he asked me out, I said yes. Really? That's the kind of person you are? Buh-bye, poser.

I had over 400 people on my Facebook friends list and not a single person really ever meant it when they said "let's hang out." I've since deleted over half of those people and I've just finished another cleanse of the list. Most of the people I kept around probably won't be there next week.


I think the straw that has broken this camel's back is my ex. Always with the "I want to be friends and hang out" yet if I ask him out he automatically jumps to "you act like we're still together I need space." The fuck is wrong with people?!!! Really? Fuck you, fuck all of you. I'm done with the whole lot of ya. You're poison to me and I'm tired of taking it.

You're dead. As far as I'm concerned, I buried your asses three years ago when you walked away for some guy instead of starting something new and keeping tight with your friend. Your loss!

My First Mother's Day

James has three or four teeth coming on top, he stood up on his own on Friday night, he's walking while either holding your hand or onto his walker, and he give high fives and kisses now. That's all that he's done in just one week. He's getting so big so quickly!

Today was my first official Mother's Day and it was fun. Had lunch at Logan's Roadhouse, shopped at Target, then after I dropped James off at his dad's I hung out with Peggy for awhile. I had sushi and watched Groundhog Day for the first time (each) - loved them both! Must buy the movie at some point. Need find cure for death so Bill Murray can live forever!

Tomorrow is James' 9 month doctor appointment - no shots so it should be quick, painless, and easy. Then I don't have anything to do besides more job hunting and cleaning the house. *insert sarcastic "yay" here*

Sometimes My Life Ain't So Great

The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.
~ Boris Pasternak

Journal writing is all I know these days. I have no one to talk to; everyone is off living life and being happy. I broke up with Josh for multiple little reasons that combined made me unhappy, but being single again I'm just miserable. I should have stayed in a relationship where I was way less miserable in the long run. Is that bad to settle like that? All I know is, everyone (women mostly) says that men are all lazy slobs who don't know how to do chores unless you tell them to and they won't be people who will want to talk about feelings or even about your day. I'm not ok with that and I don't understand why these women are making it ok for men to be uninterested, uncaring, and irresponsible with their relationships.

I don't undterstand, too, why the guys I seem to find say one thing, then shoot me down when I follow their suggestions/instructions. Example: "If you need help just ask me" - that's a hard thing for me to do, ask for help. But I do it because I think to myself that stepping out of my comfort zone for a person shows them that I mean it when I say I love them and want to meet them half way. So, what did I do with Josh? Asked him for help when I needed it. What did Josh do? Told me no. He didn't want to get in the middle of it, he "didn't know" what to do or say, he didn't have time, he'd do it later (which meant he wasn't going to do it).

I am tired of putting myself out there, I am tired of trusting that people will be there for me.

So now I'm single and friendless. Tons of people who call me friend, yet when I ask if they want to hang out now that I have kid-free days, I get ignored, told no, or they get to me after the days are done and say "Sorry I didn't reply sooner, that would have been fun, but I'm just so busy right now."

So, I'm really tempted to end all communication and so-called friendships because it's obvious people only want to "hang out" with me via FB comments.