What a Great Saturday

Yes, that is a fruit bat peeing.

Today seems like three days rolled into one. I went out last night for Liz's 26th birthday, worked today from 11:30-1 (and did a great haircut), tried finding the audition space in Greenwood but it wasn't happening so I gave up, then went to the zoo with my mom, James, and my brother. Such a great day!!!

 Barf Vader

 in the desert

 first train ride

 with Uncle Chris

 the new baby giraffe

 the new baby baboon

my moment of art for the day

Ombre Hair

By the time my hair gets long enough to do this it'll be out of style *sad face*

Sick Day

So the whole time James was with his dad, I felt fine. Yesterday he comes home, I have a scratchy throat. I drank two giant glasses of orange juice before bed (on top of days before, in a row, which lead to the typical citrus-induced canker sore). I drink vitamin C like it's going out of style. So why did I wake up today feeling like total ass and balls??

James slept a lot today because (1) he was cranky from his teething and (2) I had zero energy to entertain him. He slept his usual 11-12 nap and then went back to sleep after screaming and crying from 2-3. Around 3 I started to actually doze off so I didn't get him out of bed, and he still fell asleep before I did again!! I slept from just after 3-4:30. James woke up around 4:15 when my mom got home and changed/fed him. We had Chinese food, made a quick and pointless trip to Walmart, and then relaxed at home. I had some energy to play with James for awhile and then at 8:30 he fell asleep again. It's now 10:07 and I'm waiting to watch the mini marathon of all three episodes of Audrina.



I need a new car...

Waiting Waiting

I was suppose to have a phone interview at the end of last week, but by Friday I still hadn't heard from them so I called the agency that's doing the placing and was told they were "dragging their feet" and I should hear from them soon. Got a call at 12:30p saying I'd be hearing from them between 3 and 4.

I got so wrapped up in trying to get ready for my one and only appointment at the salon (which is scheduled for 5p) that here I am thinking "I have to leave at 3:30 and it's 3:20. They need to call!" I still have an hour before I have to leave.

Interviews - ugh! Nothing but a bundle of nervous energy.


Saturday I'm auditioning for a part in a movie. Originally, last weekend, I was suppose to play a skanky milf who gets murdered during sex. Well, due to Josh's exhaustion and needing to push his days with James back a day, I had to drop out of that project. I'm grown up enough to know that leaving at least a nice, professional voicemail is better than a quick, informal text so I called the contact, apologized a few times, let him know my situation, and offered services in the hair department if he ever needed it.

This morning I woke up to my phone buzzing from an email:
We'd like for you to come in Saturday to read for the part of Michelle. It's a bigger part than the other one. Please, R.S.V.P. as soon as possible.

Uh, yes please! I am no actress by any means, but who turns down a fun day of dress up, rape, and murder?!!! See, professionalism, sincerity, and more than 2 hours notice works for you. Now if people would get that idea on lock down in their brains and utilize it for things like, oh, salon appointments. The people who are in the medical field (as in the ER) I can let them get away with it because you don't know what's going to happen when you're on call.

Well, I guess I'll keep searching the internet nervously until the phone call. It's now 3:28p ... 32 minutes left. I hope they call by 4 so I don't have to try to concentrate on them and navigating traffic. I do not leave my guests waiting around for anything.

Word of the day: professionalism

Easter

Photo by Charles I Letbetter

I hope everyone had a good holiday. My was typical: not celebrated. Next year James will at least be able to get a photo with the bunny and egg hunt. Whatever that will mean. It's just not a big deal in my family.

I didn't color any eggs, but I colored Josh's hair. I'm so in love with Wella color that I won't use anything else again. After his hair was done we went to IHOP for brunch. I forgot how much I dislike syrup now so my stomach got a little upset. It's too much sugar. I can't handle sugar anymore. The bacon was good, though. James spilled ice water in his lap and his look was comical; a face that expressed "um ... oops?" He didn't care. Haha!

After brunch we picked up formula for Josh's place and then I came home. Like usual I fell asleep. Mostly from exhaustion, partly from separation anxiety, and a little bit of depression. No joke, my life drains me mentally, emotionally, and physically. No wonder I have zero social life, there's nothing left in me to put out in the universe cause it's all spent.

When I woke up around 8p after a 5 hour nap, I woke up because I was having one of those crazy awesome dreams where you think to yourself (while dreaming) "should I wake up and write this down or keep dreaming and hope I don't forget anything?" I chose to wake up and write it down. In fact, I think I woke up while I was writing it. Six pages in my journal for that 5 second dream.

I just got done with a Jersylicious mini-marathon and now I'm going to go back to bed. Don't know what Monday has in store for me; if anything, then I hope it's inexpensive. I just need out of the house. Job searching tomorrow; hopefully I'll hear back about the second interview for StreetLinks.

Sometimes My Life Ain't So Great

The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.
~ Boris Pasternak

Journal writing is all I know these days. I have no one to talk to; everyone is off living life and being happy. I broke up with Josh for multiple little reasons that combined made me unhappy, but being single again I'm just miserable. I should have stayed in a relationship where I was way less miserable in the long run. Is that bad to settle like that? All I know is, everyone (women mostly) says that men are all lazy slobs who don't know how to do chores unless you tell them to and they won't be people who will want to talk about feelings or even about your day. I'm not ok with that and I don't understand why these women are making it ok for men to be uninterested, uncaring, and irresponsible with their relationships.

I don't undterstand, too, why the guys I seem to find say one thing, then shoot me down when I follow their suggestions/instructions. Example: "If you need help just ask me" - that's a hard thing for me to do, ask for help. But I do it because I think to myself that stepping out of my comfort zone for a person shows them that I mean it when I say I love them and want to meet them half way. So, what did I do with Josh? Asked him for help when I needed it. What did Josh do? Told me no. He didn't want to get in the middle of it, he "didn't know" what to do or say, he didn't have time, he'd do it later (which meant he wasn't going to do it).

I am tired of putting myself out there, I am tired of trusting that people will be there for me.

So now I'm single and friendless. Tons of people who call me friend, yet when I ask if they want to hang out now that I have kid-free days, I get ignored, told no, or they get to me after the days are done and say "Sorry I didn't reply sooner, that would have been fun, but I'm just so busy right now."

So, I'm really tempted to end all communication and so-called friendships because it's obvious people only want to "hang out" with me via FB comments.

Not Gonna Lie, Today Was Awesome

The day flew by today!
Woke up at 7:30a when James started crying "Mama!", but didn't get out of the bed until 7:45a. Fed him, changed him. By then it was around 8:30a. Watched the weather report, decided against going to the zoo. Wrestled the babe until he was dressed, got myself dressed, and headed for Walmart at 9:30a. Left Walmart at 10:30a and stopped for Taco Bell. Laid James down at 10:50a. Watched Ellen from 11a-12p. Cleaned, ate lunch, and computer surfed until 1:45p when James woke up. Fed him lunch with juice, changed him, turned on a movie that he didn't watch but it was good background noise, and kept cleaning until 4p when Mom got home. Ate dinner, bathed James, fed him dinner and a bottle. He laid down at 6p and woke up at 6:45p. Not thrilled he decided he was just going to nap ... also not thrilled I let him go to sleep earlier than 7:30p. Lesson learned. Back hurts from giving him a bath.
The weather was crappy today; cold and eventually rainy. Photo above is from our Easter shoot yesterday (the only nice day this week and for the next couple of weeks). I'm freezing. I think I'll put an extra blanket on the bed. Time to shower and get into some pj's. I think Mom's going to have to take the night shift. I have to work tomorrow. But at least tomorrow also means Purple Hat Project shoot!!!

Goodnight.